Sometimes it feels like everything I do just plain bites. I was just chatting with a friend who was in Serbia learning about some church-work going on there. It was great to hear that their ministry to addicts is more than just feeding and clothing them. The missionary there has created an addiction treatment centre in which the patients live, work and learn about Christ. So much of their work could be applied here - but this is not the crux of my present problem.
My heart is regularly moved with the idea of evangelism and missions - with sharing the incredible news of the possibility of reconciliation with God with those who are cut off from Him. However, I have not moved to fulfill what I sense as my primary calling. Sure, I am at a church which does much "mission" work, but there is still something not at ease within my soul. I'm still searching. Still waiting. Still seeking. I think it is time to act.
How can it be the case that the All-Powerful God of creation has taken up residence within me and yet I still find myself lazy, cold-hearted, easily-distracted and living for small things? Why does His power not launch me into a completely different sphere of existence? Why does my old-man still seem to cling to life when he should be dead?
Perhaps if the Church as a whole could answer this question there would not be so many people dying without a knowledge of God's love.
i wonder if anyone who's making a difference ever feels like he/she's doing enough. i dunno. i'm just wondering... it reminds me a bit of that i-could-have-done-more scene in schindler's list. i think the feeling is healthy. certainly better than complacency.
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